Tuesday 26 December 2017

My Last Post: My struggle with PTSD.

This was written on June 14th, 2017. I stumbled upon it on my notes on my iPad that I took travelling and I thought what the heck, it might relate and help someone out there, but also brings all these travels for this year to a close. Thank you everyone who read and kept up to date with my blog posts and I hope you enjoyed this snippet of my life. So here it the last part:

Hey readers! So I've been super lazy just kicking back knowing my last few weeks travelling are slowly creeping up, and yes I am focusing on that a tad too much but more so I'm taking advantage of being in the traveller lifestyle more than I was. I am gonna miss this place and when I say that I mean like having a constant home but not knowing what it could look like as I haven't turned up to it yet. Arriving somewhere for the first time but settling in so quickly you end up calling it your local area on the same day. The world is all ours, all these streets are our homes and everything built is for everyone each man and woman is a brother and sister in some form and I just really have learnt that whilst travelling.

Whilst you're reading this wherever you are whether you are at home, where you know everyone or whether you are in a coffee shop, if so just put this article down you can get back to it, take this time this moment in life right now to get to know know who you are actually next too. I know it's a funny thing to do especially if you're in civilised England where everyone keeps themselves to themselves, but it may surprise you.

This for me was something I would struggle to do sometimes as I would over analysis meeting new people and that was because my trust in people was at a all new low before I went travelling. I know to not trust everyone but I've gained more trust in the world more like I did when I was a child, I don't let my guard down but you know I'm happier in interacting with others and not worrying about why they are trying to be nice to me because I used to think surely everyone is out to get me? Well actually no they are not.

During my travels I've gained much more trust in humanity whilst being exposed to different cultures and people but more than that. A part of me I had lost I've regained through fun memories and relaxation and time with God. Lastly now I'm not feeling like I have the world on my shoulders but instead being on the worlds shoulders, and fully knowing and recognising that I have people around me will catch you if you fall.

I think if this sounds like you thinking that the world is out to get at you all the time or like the old me sounded then I know will have to learn this lesson yourself but just let it go emotions you cling to. There will become a time where they will resolve but for now don't lose yourself in them, even if you think you know who you are. I found my mind was still living in the past I was physically in the present but not being able to fully progress or connect to the present because I blurred it out I still wanted to process my past so how could I keep moving in the present, it was a struggle I couldn't keep up with. It's also something that is very complicated to explain but if you've been through a big struggle in life or been in a fearful situation then coming to terms with it can be very challenging especially if your brain is trying to protect itself or destroy it by developing PTSD then it becomes that extra bit harder. Not only are you dealing with whether you are living in the past or current you are also struggling with triggers, flashbacks, fear, aneixty, muscle spasms or freezing.

It took me ages to realise that PTSD is actually a living breathing condition that is playing me with my mind, and it was affecting my current life but I was oblivious to it. So having this time away has really made me put life into perspective. Let me rewind to the beginning, during college a year after my 'traumatic event'. I wanted to travel, I wanted to escape my current situation but that wasn't possible I couldn't just leave I had to complete a court case. Then college was over and I was going to save and year then travel and then that didn't happen and I thought life was becoming impossible, I felt like no body understood that my life felt constantly under threat. I thought that the next day it would be taken if not now or in the next week or hours, it was horrifying living under that stress of constantly feeling like you're gonna die, if you can picture that for a moment that was my life but for a good few years. I then accepted my reality of working and never getting to do anything I wanted and some days I could accept it and numbed all emotion from it and other times I was so angry and mad that no one wanted to help me but instead pull the rocks I was standing on to keep my head above water from beneath my feet making it harder for me to stay a float. Whilst I watched everyone around me achieve in life or be happy they get life the way they wanted it whilst I was never getting anywhere this made it all the more unbearable.

I had multiple breakdowns one which my dad nearly phoned the ambulance over it because I exploded and who could blame me? In my eyes I felt like I was gonna die my body was struck with huge overwhelming fear and I couldn't do what I wanted after years of having most things I liked taken from me. All I wanted to do was travel and this dream was becoming more and more impossible and then finally the plan came together and I was off to south east Asia. During the few weeks leading up to travelling all my emotions were heightened and this fear of it getting taken from me grew and grew and I couldn't channel this energy raging in me so I channeled it with anger. I could almost taste the fact that travelling wouldn't happen id die before it happened that or as I said it'd just be taken in some way, I felt I didn't deserve happiness because I didn't believe it was possible for others to want me help be by my side and actually want to achieve happiness with me. So when the day came and I was off it was a huge relief i had achieved something I really wanted too and as I got into the traveller lifestyle and spent plenty of time with God and praying over my PTSD, I found freedom. It was in the Philippines, I got a lot of prayer for healing after I shared my testimony in a youth camp. However, this I felt was just the starting point of this last milestone of this freedom journey. After the camp I continued to pray for myself in my own time this is such a vital thing we must do as Christians but most of us only think we can seek healing for others through prayer but we can ask God for healings of our own.

Anyway, I'd moved islands but was still in the Philippines but coming to the end of our time there Dan became ill so I was kind of bound to the hostel because I didn't drive mopeds and we were in the middle of nowhere, so I decided to spend almost the entire day with God in the sun, in the garden and on the beach; it was bliss and pure paradise. Throughout the day of spending time with God there was this one moment where I was lost in worship and taking in the spirit. I was overwhelmed with peace and freedom, this was freedom thanks to God I felt a release from within me and it was my soul intwining with the holy one and pure delight came to me and resonated with me for days after, all fear had left me and I tested out reflecting on things which would often trigger a PTSD attack and it didn't. I was worried I wasn't healed and to this day might test it but nope god does not fail and to this day I am still healed. Amen.

Returning Home - (My reflecting post)

So, I discovered I never fully finished my travel blog and explaining to my readers my getting home journey and what I learnt and gained from my travels this year and as this year is now swiftly coming to a close I must also close my posts on my south East Asian travels, so there will be a few to follow after this post but welcome to my reflecting post.

At the very beginning of my blog I uploaded my first post about saying goodbye but hello to new beginnings. The emotions I expressed in it were very real and true and I was so thrilled but apprehensive to start this year knowing so much would take place. However it's nearly the beginning of July and my travels are over, I have learnt a huge deal whilst being away especially about myself and just life in general, how life works and how we function as humans. One quality I will take with me is not to worry about how short or long my own life will be, I always feared about it ending soon but I've thrown that worry away. I also really appreciate smaller things allowing me to just appreciate and love being alive and that in itself is happiness, but it isn't also everything. Being in control of yourself, your mentally, your actions play a huge role and becoming to control and conduct yourself can be a massive challenge because it also determines who you are, and when you don't know who you are its so hard recognising this or gaining it. However confusing my sentences may sound just know you will get to a place of tranquility one day with loving God and pursuing the life he has mapped out for you.

I often worried about how my life was going to pan out and I still do from time to time, like what age will I be when I get married, will I be able to have children, will I get a serious illness in 20+ years, what happens when I lose loved ones. I've recognised not to focus on these God is truly in control and he loves you more than anyone can imagine he created life that's how much he loves us. He doesn't want you to waste your life worrying like I did, I believe I developed serious anxiety and it came out in weird and worrying ways usually upon other people sometimes but now I really know I don't carry this round with me anymore I also believe medication doesn't help you work through things like anxiety I believe you have to work out how to stop it yourself. This is what I meant by becoming in control of your mind, I think everyone has worries and fears but letting them control you is going to do no good; in fact it will cripple you.

Within travelling I've had so much time to think about how I want my life to go, but I know God will always surprise me and maybe turn things up side down but only for the benefit of him and knowing that comforts me that it really is for good. I recognise this but it doesn't mean I can't plan certain things for instance if I want to work in a coffee shop or just wait to find a job more suited to me. I can plan what I'm going to do with savings and how I'm going to use my spare time whether it's getting the sewing machine down from the loft and making a pair of shorts or whether it's typing up posts on a blog. Whatever it is do it for your own satisfaction don't overly try to please others the others will reward you for being happy in your life and join in if necessary if it's on their hearts too.

Even though on these travels I've not been in a relationship I've learnt a lot about love, I think you never stop learning. I've learnt letting go of love regains love. I'm not going to expand on this hugely but you should be able to cope with or without loved ones just like you would with your mum or dad, it should be a similar but totally different love all at the same time. But accept that it's never ending if you've truly found the right person or if that person is in the same head space as you.



Wednesday 14 June 2017

Top Ten Reasons You Should Travel

I'm currently in Cambodia and about to get a bus to Vietnam which takes 13 hours. Unfortunately it's really hit me that I'll be leaving South East Asia in a few weeks and heading home, so I decided to write up a list to encourage any reader thinking about travelling to pursue their thoughts; even if you're unsure. Here is my list:

My Top Ten things about Travelling

1) Seeing More than Your Doorstep:

The best thing about travelling for sure is just doing the literal meaning of it: seeing the world. Seeing time from another angle, someone else's view, seeing how others live. Seeing beautiful views and being immersed into a whole new life, one you didn't even know was yours to discover. Experiencing new activities and feeling limitless. It is the ultimate way of living. Another thing is having the time to truly appreciate gods work as you see more and more unfold in front of your eyes, finding new bugs on your trails and walking along endless stretches of beaches and seeing the different rock formations around the world. You soon work out how bloody brilliant of an artist he is.

2) Having The Time To Explore

Having space for God time to a predominant part of the day. I've loved spending boundless time with God, but also getting to explore something until my heart is content. Having my own time without worrying about anything, like when your phone is due to be paid or what time do you have to be asleep as you have work at 5am the next day. Just utter relaxation of body and mind.

3) Meeting New People

It's ridiculous how many people are constantly on an adventure somewhere in the world. It makes you realise how when you're at home how much you keep your life and social life to what you are used too, and to your small circle. At home you don't have the opportunity to constantly meet new people on completely different life journeys. I've held people's hands as they cry over a parents death and I've only known them a few days, yet i share with them the same love I'd show if it was my best friends hand I holding. How friendship is a quickly developed but strong built and you go through ups and downs with all different people all building up bigger pictures of your own memories. People being in your life for a couple days but bro in unforgettable memories.

4) Using All Your Senses

By this I mainly mean tasting all the different weird and wonderful foods that chefs, mums, street food shop owners, bar tenders all cook for you on your journey keeping you interested in your pallet. I love these people, sometimes they don't have a passion for food but it ends up being so much more exciting to discover food this way in comparison to walking down to your local Pizza Hut where you would know it's location and the menu off by heart. Each meal is a surprise a discovery and a sensory path to learning more about your area.

5) Culture

Having the opportunity to experience a different way of life to what you are accustomed to can be a real eye opener. I believe it helps you mature and grow as a person, it also makes you have an attitude switch to how you may conduct yourself at home. For instance anyone who was born and raised in England wouldn't appreciate having toilet roll, out here in south east Asia it is a massive rarity and you realise just something simple like having toilet roll is a huge luxury. Just experiencing that small culture difference makes you so much more appreciative of the little things in life. I know people will argue that you don't have to travel to grow in appreciation just go hiking in England for 5 days it's the same? Well I don't believe it is, it's much more extreme when travelling it's not a trip that you will go home in a few days and forget minor struggles you faced, those struggles will shape you they will help you realise this is people's day to day lives, unchangeable, under-advanced and unable to experience anything else. It's amazing to experience and if you don't experience it you stay in a more sheltered outlook of life with no sense of truly striving. You may have strived for your uni degree but during your uni degree you had food, you had clean water, you had a toilet to use, yes you may have had to cut things out as your on a budget but it's nothing compared to live standards outside of your own country. Dive into this journey and you would regret it I'll be a life changer in your own culture.

6) Growing

As I touched on this in culture you will realise whilst you're out traveling it's not just culture change that you learn and grow in; you grow in all senses. The greatest thing whilst travelling Young is gaining independence, this independence is different from moving out as you learn different things. You are not learning how to pay bills and how to arrange payments for a mortgage or flat rental, you are learning how to adapt in different environments, communicating all the time with a vast range of people some who won't speak a word of English. You also come into contact with budgeting, new experiences, learning limits/ what acceptable in what country and learning how to get around the big wide world that we all live in, it's really easy and a lot less nerve racking when you are doing it. Another aspect is you growing in Christ you can appreciate our fathers magnificent creation and all the different details dotted all around. You also have a huge amount of time to think, reflect, deal with whatever life has thrown at you in the past or present, you learn to depend more on him when you see or experience something tragic. You have plenty of time to read the bible and become more solid on your foundation.


7) Animals

As an animal lover when you travel you see so many diverse animals that you may not see in your own country, it's so intricate getting to see the details of them up close. Whether it's a rare or common bird you come across, a new type of bee you didn't know existed or a water buffalo you don't get them in your own country and it can truly blow you away- it definitely does with me. I also love being immersed with dogs and cats and each hostel usually has either one of them so having them as a personal pet for a few days at a time is how I love to spend my time. Whether I'm socialising with new friends or sitting listening to music having a cat or dog to stroke in my arms i find it so much more enjoyable and reminds of my little one back one (my dog).

8) Always Learning

With travelling it's so nice discovering new place and being on the go. The best thing is that you have the time to learn about the country your in whether it is visiting museums or chatting to local people who tell you about the traditions of a culture or a part of the country. Learning and growing is different, however you learn whilst your growing and you grow with knowledge, but learning is more knowing something entirely new. Where as growing is expanding on what you already know. I think where ever you end up travelling I believe you should take time in learning about the history of that particular country, I think this is important and that's why it's in my top 10.

9) No Work!!!

This should probably be higher up on my list but it's also like a go to thing as you're not in your home country working. It's so nice having no responsibilities no stress in being somewhere at a certain time, if you miss your bus it doesn't follow with consequences such as getting a disciplinary or worst getting fired. It's just so stress-free, even if you decide to work abroad it's nothing like working in your own country, it always feels so much more enjoyable, I believe it's because it's something new so it's exciting and usually the work comes with great satisfaction you feel good for helping and giving your time to others. Whereas in England you want to be paid for giving your time.

10) Massages

Finally, my top 10 has reached its final point. I don't know about you but I love massages like seriously love them, they have different styles of massage in different countries and it's a great way to spend an hour. I've literally had at least one massage a week and I've been away for 4 months, in south east Asia especially they are super cheap. In England you can pay up too £100 on a One hour massage whereas the most expensive I've paid out here is £10 and the cheapest was £2. Another lovely thing as I've previously mentioned is that each country has a unique style
I find this really interesting and have enjoyed them thoroughly- I've even had a massage given to me by a blind person (Cambodia) so each time is a new experience they are never boring or the same and always relaxing.

I hope this may encourage you to travel and more so to discover yourself your top ten things about travelling. I hope you get the chance to travel and save up those pennies in order to do so, the world is massive and would take more than a life time to explore so start young or old but don't not do it!!

Tuesday 13 June 2017

Bible study of John 5

On this study of John I will be using same style as my previous bible study posts. So do follow the entire plan, which will explain the study.

John 5:1-16

My Summary:

Sick people gathered into a pool, a paralysed man couldn't make it into the pool. This man had been ill for 38 years. Jesus first asked if he wanted to be better, he replied I want to get to the pool. Jesus replied 'Get up take your mat and walk', so he did.
He couldn't recognise Jesus nor knew who he was but they later met at the temple. Jesus said 'if you continue sinning, your life will become far worst than it was'

-Does Jesus suggest the mans sin made him ill?

-How can we apply John4:27-42 to this passage?

-Where does sin lead us?

-Why do you think sin makes our lives worst? Or does it?

-Why does mankind sin? Are we designed to sin?

-How do we over come sin?

John 5:17-29

Jesus claims his father is always working therefore he also needs to work. Jesus was given the authority to judge like God so that people recognise and honour the father. This made the authorities want to kill Jesus even more as he made himself equal to God. Although Jesus does say he is nothing without the father.

-Why does Jesus have the right to judge?

-How does this help show us who Jesus is?

-How did the authorities react?

John 5:31-47

My Summary:

In this passage it tells us about Jesus' life being a testimony to others and that it is the ultimate testimony. If you believe others testimonies how can you deny Jesus'?

-Why is it important to share our testimony to others?

-Should testimonies be kept outside/inside the church community? ...Why do you think that?

-From this passage Jesus does not reveal his testimony but from your own knowledge what is his testimony? Why is it so important? Does it affect our lives?

Sunday 11 June 2017

Travelling from Bali to Komodo Island

As you are right now I spent a lot of time surfing the Internet trying to find any information I could about getting from Bali to Komodo island. Here hopefully I can answer some of the questions you might have. Before I dive into what I did I'll also tell you all the options available, as some travellers might prefer other means, but I'm not gonna lie if you are on a budget it's quite pricey getting to Komodo island and for eating whilst you are there. Unless you are really determined to see these amazing dragons and manta rays you may as well head to gilli island it's much cheaper from Bali and the marine life is amazing and you have a chance of seeing manta rays, just no dragons. That is my advice for anyone on a serious budget.

How to get to Komodo Island

You have about two options you can go by boat and bus, or plane

Option One - boat and bus

This route takes approximately 65 hours, and probably is about £50/$42 dollars cheaper than plane depending on season, but that doesn't include food your'll need to buy on your 3 day travel to Komodo island. So you really need to weigh up whether it is worth it but if you are taking this route but you do get to stop at beautiful places along the way.

Firstly, from Bali you have to get to Ubud where there is a bus terminal next to the main supermarket in Ubud here you can buy tickets on the door and they will take you to the docks in Bali. Now you could get a boat to gilli island which will cost maybe $15-20 so it's quite easily to get there and spend some time here it's beautiful great for surfers or people who want to explore marine life.

From here you have to travel to the east of the island where you can hop on another boat to Pulau Lombok island. Here you have to get a 3-5 bus journey to the east of the island. Which is roughly $10-15 they might charge you $20 but try haggle here. Once you have arrived at the eastern docks. You will get a short 1-2 hour boat journey to West Nusa Tenggara.

This is the long part of the journey you have a 12-14 hour bus ride across this Long Island, this can cost $35-45 and you might only get 2 stop overs so chose wisely how much liquid you consume so you're not needing the pee! These buses will not have toilets on them like the coaches in England.

From here you can visit Komodo island the boat rides here will be more expensive you're looking at up to $60 dollars the more people the less it is. But it is an over night boat trip and food is included, I recommend you book this from the hostel you are going to be staying at they usually have cheaper rates, and is genuinely a safer option. When are arrive on Komodo island you have an additional $10 charge for the tour guide. Read on for more information about this.

Option 2- plane

If you're in Bali your'll depart from Denpasar to Rinca Island which is the nearest island to Komodo. In some seasons this can cost $150 and also double check because weirdly enough it was cheaper for us to go business class which was glorious but sadly it was only a 75 minute plane journey. This is much more hassle free option and similar price to going via boat and bus. However some times of the year it may only cost $70-80, so if you have lots of planning time then try fall for this time of the year which is around October.



Monday 5 June 2017

Bible Study John 4 - The Good Samaritan

Remember through this bible study I take you through the questions sometimes have no right or wrong answers, it's down to just helping you expand your thinking about the verse and to also to challenge your opinions. All answers will be posted on a separate blog post. All studies are laid out the same so continue the method being repeated.

My summary of John 4:1-22

The Parasiees heard of this news of Jesus baptising, when actually it was Jesus' disciples Jesus went to galilee. He stopped near a well, Jacobs well. A Samaritan lady came to draw water. Jesus asked her for some water. Jews were not meant to share bowls and cups with Samaritans . Jesus told her about having eternal water, she was not convinced by him just saying this. Jesus challenged her by asking if she has a husband? She answered truthfully and Jesus confirmed her truth to her and also spoke more of her life than she had told him. This made her believe that Jesus was the son of God and she awed over him, he told her Samaritans do not know who to worship, she went back to tell her family and friends of the good news.

- Why aren't Jews meant to share cups and bowls with Samaritans? How can we learn from this and relate it now a days?

- Why is Jesus a Jew when he me time a change? Is he his own religion? He states 'a spirit leads one where God will be fully pleased with worship' what does this mean to you?

- Why was it important that we share the good news to those who are already part of a religion? And how can this passage help us with that?

John 4:27-42

My Summary:

The rest of the Samaritans in the village heard the good news that the messiah is here. They went to see for themselves whether the woman Jesus spoke to at the well was right and she was.

- What do you think it means when the the bible says: 'we believe now not by what you have said but because we ourselves have heard?'

-Write down two sentences that really resonate with you and re read them every day for a week to memorise them.

- Reflect on the sentence 'the one who plants and reaps will be glad together' what does this mean to you and how can we apply this to our daily lives?

John 4:43-54

My summary:

They returned to Galilee where Jesus' first miracle happened. A government official approached Jesus with panic, telling him his son was very sick and he wanted Jesus to come and heal him. All Jesus said in return was 'he will live'. The man believed his words and left Jesus. Before he had arrived home his servants were rushing out to tell him his son is alive, he asked his servants what had happened. They said at 1pm the sickness just left his body, this was the same time Jesus said he will live. This was Jesus' 2nd miracle.

-How does this aid us with our faith?

-Can Jesus still heal now?

-What should we do when we are sick? Or others are sick.?

Saturday 3 June 2017

Are You a New Christian and Don't know What to Pray?

Sometimes as a new Christian we can be a bit baffled or overwhelmed when it comes to prayer, what is it, what do we use it for, why do we do it. Hopefully I can offer a bit of help when it comes to this area. If anyone knows me I am kind of a new Christian myself I gave my life to Jesus 2 years ago and the journey has been amazing, challenging at points but the most worthwhile one.
When I first became Christian I was eager to pray about everything and anything and I was in awe of Gods presence but I also had guidance with the best way to pray and I also found God through prayer so I already knew it's importance and the role it plays in our day to day lives. However, I realise that not everyone has these advantages so I'm here to take you through prayer.

What Is Praying?

Praying is simply talking to God, we have the power of the Holy Spirit within us and we can use that to contact God directly. It's like having him on the other end of the phone, a phone whose line is never engaged and never goes to voicemail. That's a great thing but another awesome thing is that prayer has power, because you are contacting the almighty creator of this earth, he WILL answer, whether it's immediate or not, or whether it's easy to hear the answer or not. It's also really important to remember to thank god in prayer, we usually should start with this as it is the most important part, to thank him for everything in his creation as it all has purpose. This also helps to remind us that sometimes the little things don't matter he is good and has a greater reasoning that we not understand or see.

Why Do We Pray?

Us Christians pray because firstly it says to in the bible, we also know that Jesus prays so it must be important, if we didn't pray we wouldn't receive answers to help guide us on our journeys. Praying also benefits God as it declares what's on our hearts, he already knows everything we are going to say to him before we say it but it's good to reconfirm your love and trust in him. Prayer is also linked with praise and our hearts are designed to praise God and prayer is an excellent way to do this. I will show you later on examples of praising through prayer.

What Do We Use It For?

We use prayer for a number of reasons, sometimes to seek strength or comfort, sometimes just to generally chat to God, to ask for healing, to release our emotions: but probably the most common is to ask for his hand over a situation or to help us. Not only as Christians should we pray for our own lives but for other people's. Sometimes it's powerful to physically speak out your prayers, this can be by yourself or with others, sometimes it good to hear when you are getting prayed over or you are praying over someone as the Holy Spirit can guide your voice to speak into yours or others lives. Prayer is almost like a super power, it can hugely impact someone's life, even totally change their life; God listens to our prayers. Revelations can happen because of prayer but remember our God is a living God who impacts the earth and our lives directly now, if you want to read a faith story on prayer I have posted my testimony to encourage others.

Now you know a little bit more about prayer I encourage every reader to pray everyday and see what God can do for you in your life or others around you. Never give up on prayer because you never know when God might guide you or answer them and the power of prayer in the masses can be even more effective.

You might still be wondering this is great but where do I begin. I'm going to post some daily example prayers to help you out, remember though you can speak however formally or informally you want God loves you and is just happy to have your heart connecting and speaking to him.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this day. Thank you that I am a witness to your creation and I have the joys of being in it. Thank you for Jesus and that you gave us your only son, and thank you that you are all loving God who's grace and mercy is so mighty you forgive us of any sin. Thank you for the Holy Spirit and that it lives inside me, use me as a vessel to others I come into contact with who don't yet know your greatness. I pray that you will guide me in wisdom so I get to know more about you and who are are, I pray that your truths are set deep in my heart and that I know your love for me. I also pray that you can guide me onto the path you have desired for me and that you use me to guide others. Thank you that you know my situation in life right now and thank you that you make all things work together for my good. I lift up my heart to you right now Jesus I ask that you work within me to become more like you.

In Jesus' Almighty Name Amen