At the very beginning of my blog I uploaded my first post about saying goodbye but hello to new beginnings. The emotions I expressed in it were very real and true and I was so thrilled but apprehensive to start this year knowing so much would take place. However it's nearly the beginning of July and my travels are over, I have learnt a huge deal whilst being away especially about myself and just life in general, how life works and how we function as humans. One quality I will take with me is not to worry about how short or long my own life will be, I always feared about it ending soon but I've thrown that worry away. I also really appreciate smaller things allowing me to just appreciate and love being alive and that in itself is happiness, but it isn't also everything. Being in control of yourself, your mentally, your actions play a huge role and becoming to control and conduct yourself can be a massive challenge because it also determines who you are, and when you don't know who you are its so hard recognising this or gaining it. However confusing my sentences may sound just know you will get to a place of tranquility one day with loving God and pursuing the life he has mapped out for you.
I often worried about how my life was going to pan out and I still do from time to time, like what age will I be when I get married, will I be able to have children, will I get a serious illness in 20+ years, what happens when I lose loved ones. I've recognised not to focus on these God is truly in control and he loves you more than anyone can imagine he created life that's how much he loves us. He doesn't want you to waste your life worrying like I did, I believe I developed serious anxiety and it came out in weird and worrying ways usually upon other people sometimes but now I really know I don't carry this round with me anymore I also believe medication doesn't help you work through things like anxiety I believe you have to work out how to stop it yourself. This is what I meant by becoming in control of your mind, I think everyone has worries and fears but letting them control you is going to do no good; in fact it will cripple you.
Within travelling I've had so much time to think about how I want my life to go, but I know God will always surprise me and maybe turn things up side down but only for the benefit of him and knowing that comforts me that it really is for good. I recognise this but it doesn't mean I can't plan certain things for instance if I want to work in a coffee shop or just wait to find a job more suited to me. I can plan what I'm going to do with savings and how I'm going to use my spare time whether it's getting the sewing machine down from the loft and making a pair of shorts or whether it's typing up posts on a blog. Whatever it is do it for your own satisfaction don't overly try to please others the others will reward you for being happy in your life and join in if necessary if it's on their hearts too.
Even though on these travels I've not been in a relationship I've learnt a lot about love, I think you never stop learning. I've learnt letting go of love regains love. I'm not going to expand on this hugely but you should be able to cope with or without loved ones just like you would with your mum or dad, it should be a similar but totally different love all at the same time. But accept that it's never ending if you've truly found the right person or if that person is in the same head space as you.
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